Holiday.

This blog is not about a holiday. Just kidding.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
I leave next week for two weeks and i'm sooo excited.
Mainly just looking forward to getting away, having some time to think, chill and read book upon book in the sun.
Getting away from Coleraine after what could be described as not a fantastic year..

BRING ON DEM RAYS OF SUNSHINE.

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Study, Spectacles & Summa '12

Hey!, Howdy!, Hello!, Greeting & Salutations one and all!

I haven't blogged in about a month.. because once again SOOOO MUCH (nothing) HAS HAPPENED!

I'll quickly run through the main things that take up my life atms:

• Study leave (yeaaaaah!)
• Revision x1000 (Zzzzzzz)
• Glasses (I'll explain)
• Holiday news (sun,sea,sand)

So that's the jist of things that have been happening..bye!

What's that? ELABORATE? Well, if you insist....
As my year head said, "Lower Sixth study leave commences at the grand hour of 3:25pm on Friday afternoon" (that's Friday past for you and me)
My Lower Sixth is over!? WHAT!? Cannot comprehend how quickly this year and flooooown in! I'll be one of the oldest next year? Crazy times, but i'm looking forward to the coming months!
Revision, well, what can I really say about that? It's still as interesting as writing out the dictionary in Latin. My exams begin on 31st May and end on 20th June.. YESSS
Glasses, I now wear them... (!) Only for reading the board in school and sometimes for tv, depending on how bipolar my eyes are feeling....

HOLIDAY! CELEBRATE! I found out yesterday that I am in Menorca for two weeks this summer with the fam! (minus Soph) Cannot wait for this! It'll be a nice break and it'll be sunny and warm and... ahhhh! Roll on Summa '12!

So yeah, that's about it. It's going to busy next few months but there's rewards at the end and i'm feeling better than I have done in a LONG TIME.

PEACE OUT PARTY ROCKERS.

 

(I can't get used to these)

The Bigger Picture

In the grand scheme of things we'll realise; it was just an exam. It was just one bad hair day. They were just people attention seeking. It was just a spot. It was just bad timing. It was just one scary interview. It was just a silly argument. It's just money. It was just one person's opinion. It was just a cold. It was change for the better. It was just a phase. It was just a bit of hard work. It was just one day. I had to happen. He was just a guy. You got through it. It was worth it. It was all part of growing up.  It was all part of a plan.

Constant Kids

Today marked the end of my 5 month placement in St. Malachy's Primary School. I went from 9:15am to 10:45am every Thursday morning. I absolutely loved going and interacting with the class. They were so talkative and attentive to anything I told them and I got to know them so well during my time. I definitely want to go into teaching as a career. I get such a buzz from teaching children something new and knowing that it will carry on with them throughout their school career.
I realised today, that the P3s at St. Malachy's were a blessing to my life. When I first started at the start of Novemeber, everything was changing around me. I'd had a bad breakup, friends were starting to drift away and everything I had known from last year was gone. And yet suddenly, there was this P3 class they expected me every Thursday morning, rain or shine!
They were a constant in my life's timetable and while things seemed to be going badly, I always felt better after coming away from a morning at St. Malachy's. I loved feeling needed and they were always so interested in what I was doing.

One of my favourite days there was when we went for a walk around town and they completed little worksheets on the different shops we had. I was asked a million questions and helped each and every one of them at some point! The photos of the walk are up on their classroom wall and where I sat in the room every Thursday, I was able to look at them and remember such a good day.

They were a wonderful constant to have in this ever-changing life



 Left: A little note that one of the girls gave me one morning a few weeks back. Can you guess her name!?




                                                                                           

Above: A signed card from the class and a card from the teacher along with a £10 voucher :)

(My presents to them! Definitely struck a chord!)

Double Freak Out

This week I freaked myself out...twice! The first freak out was when I was sitting in RE. We were talking about how Christians can take comfort in life after death. The teacher asked us to write out a few notes from our textbook and it was then that I started thinking about death. I've always been pretty afraid of it. The concept of dying and being burried scares me and it's times like these where I begin to start to panic.
So, picture the scene; i'm sitting in a classroom of students in RE. On the outside I was calm and just writing out notes, but on the inside I was thinking, "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I eventually whispered to my friend beside me. The conversation went like this..

"Psst.." (that's me)
"Yeah?" (that's her)
"I've scared myself"
"What?"
"I've.scared.myself"
"Oh. About what?"
"Death"
"Oh"
"Yeah"

Death just makes no sense to me at all. I can't seem to get my head around it. You die and then you're burried but life keeps on going and going and going and going... and you never get a second chance. It goes on for eternity and how long is eternity!? I just don't get it. And then it scares me because once you die you're alone and everything is gone. I believe in God, I believe there's a Heaven. What scares me about that is that that means there's a hell and that people go there for eternity. And then I think that what if I don't live a good enough life on earth and I end up there? I feel like nothing I can could ever be good enough and just as soon as I'm trying to get on the right track, I slip back into my old ways. And then I think, am I really meaning this as i'm praying it? This all scares me soooo much.

On a lighter note, my second freak out was about something so ridiculous I can laugh at it..
We had an Honours Assembly today. Basically it's a chance for the untalented people (like me) of the school to watch the rest of the school get honours for music and sport etc. (Apparently being a good people person or being good at science or something isn't considered 'honourable)
Anyway, we were sitting there clapping for everyone and I suddenly thought, "what the heck even is clapping!?"
So, like earlier I whispered to my friend beside me, (yep same girl...hehe whoops)

"I've just freaked myself out"
"Over what?"
"...Clapping!"
"Clapping?"
"Yes! What even is it!?"
"...."

I never saw her again...
Just kidding.

How ridiculous is that!?
I don't know what I was on that morning, maybe it was the sudden change in the weather that caused my hysteria or maybe I was just overwhelmed by all the honourable students that I went crazy. Either way it was weird.

Oh and just in case you're wondering, being crazy also isn't classified as 'honourable' either... I checked.

I Think I Missed The Memo

I haven't blogged in a while... okay a really long time. But that's because SO MUCH HAS BEEN HAPPENING. Yep, not really, but thought i'd add that in there for a bit of hyperbole. There is one little thing that's got me thinking though, so here I am!
In reference to my title, I have a question to ask. When did drinking and having sex become 'cool' and the 'in crowd' thing to do? I hate to repeat myself, but I literally think i've missed some kind of memo or meeting about it because suddently everyone around me is doing it! (Pun not intended)

Some of my closest friends I barely see anymore because they're out getting drunk or just drinking in general. Now don't get me wrong, I personally don't drink myself but I for the mean time I don't see anything wrong with it if it's what they want to do. It just means that i've been left with nothing to talk to them about because we no longer hang out at the weekends and we have different social circles. It's sad to see them have changed so much but I suppose things and people change and maybe it's just a phase they're going through and they'll come out better at the other side.

Another concern; I was talking to two girls today in my free periods. They're not my best friends or anything but i've known them for years and so we often share stuff with each other. Anyhoooo, they were discussing today how a girl in my year recently slept with someone for the first time this past weekend. When I found this out, my face literally went... :O (!) I couldn't believe it, she was the last person I would expect to do something like that. She wasn't even going out with the guy!? He's the sort of guy that says he loves you but in actual fact he's 'loving' you and about ten other girls.
After I heard about this, the other two were talking about the countless times they've slept with guys and how other girls in my year had started a long time ago. I couldn't believe it, somehow my year group has gone MAD. I hate that some girls feel pressured into that sort of thing once they get a boyfriend who might be a little older than them.

(Just to clarify, i'm not trying to make myself sound completely innocent here and that i'm all 'anti-drink and boys should be banned from existence) 


It's really made me realise that there are loads of girls in my year who have really changed in the past few months. I just hope they don't regret anything they do.

There's a chance that girl from earlier may be pregnant, she's not sure yet. I can't help but think, will he still 'love' her if his world is turned upside-down and he becomes a dad?

What Is Love?

Is it a truth or is it a fear?
Is it a rose for my Valentine?
What is love?

Is it only words I'm trying to find
Or is it the way that we're feeling now?
What is love?

If love is truth then let is break my heart
If love is fear, lead me to the dark
If love is a game, I'm playing all my cards
What is love? What is love?

A pain or a cure, a science of faith
A reason to fall to your knees and die
What is love?

If love is truth then let is break my heart
If love is fear, lead me to the dark
If love is a game, I'm playing all my cards
What is love? Love, love, love
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

Only you can save me now
Only you can heal me now
Only you can show me now
What is love?

Oh, is it a truth or is it a fear?
Is it a rose for my Valentine?
What is love? Ooh, what is love?

'What Is Love?' - Take That

Today I Met Up With My Old Friend, Change

I knew I was going to cry before I'd even had a chance to figure out why. I do that sometimes, feel lots of things like memories and times that have now passed, well up inside me and then my brain goes "You're going to cry....now!"  
Once again, I've been feeling the weight of everything changing around me. If you don't know me personally you'll never really understand just how much has changed for me and why I seem to be making such a big deal over it. I was walking through school in my free period today and I bumped into my friend, actually someone who was my best friend for 5 years. We're still friendly, but we're nowhere near as close. I got to thinking, as I was talking to her, how is it that in the space of 6 months eveything had changed? We were in seperate classes and yet there was really no reason why we couldn't still be as friendly.. I thought back to this time last year when things we so different. It's weird for me to get used to all this so quickly.

(I'm well aware that I have been talking about change in pretty much every blog i've ever written and I'm still as useless at getting used to it now as I was then!)

I'm trying to stay strong, and move on. I really really am. I know it doesn't seem it but I want to not be bothered anymore by the changes that have happened, especially the major ones.

Change is scary. It can creep up on you when you least expect it to.

I'll end on a quote that a good friend told me about today. I can always rely on him to be my motivator!

Proverbs 3: 5-8

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones."

Love Is In The Air.. Ewh.

I was walking home today and I realised that all around me people were carrying cards, chocolate, flowers and other types of presents. It was like walking around in a romcom movie set. The only single person among a sea of happy, swooning couples.

Valentine's Day. I've never been a big fan of the whole idea. Maybe it's just because i'm bitter... no, I joke! I can understand why some people get really into it. What could be better than spending a whole day with your ball and chain..I mean, other half! But why should one day be more important than any other if you really liked that person? For one day only you shower someone with compliments, chocolates and flowers!? Am I the only one thinks this is absurd? Almost, dare I say it.. fake? Who knows. That's just my opinion. Then again, I've never had the pleasure of spending Valentine's with someone.. yet(!)

I also can't help but think about the people that aren't spending the 14th with someone because maybe they've recently broken up, maybe they lost that person due to illness or something like that. With all these red roses and hearts thrown in their faces you can't help but feel for them. I think Valentine's Day is just a huge hype and a way for card shops and online businesses to gain a little money.

Don't get me wrong though, I'm all for the mushy stuff (believe it or not), but I think it should be shown for more than just one day a year.

Anyhoo, all I want to say is, Happy Valentine's Day to EVERYONE. Whether you're single or not, I hope you have a superb day.

Who's to say you can't buy yourself some chocolates and eat them alone!? Just me then? Alrighty....

Thankfulness

Tonight I went to my youth fellowship, 'Alf'. I haven't been in a long time, for a number of reasons to be honest. But tonight I went.

We watched a video by Luis Giglio and he talked about the immensity of the stars and how much bigger they are in comparison to our tiny earth. It really put into perspective how small we are and put me in my place. But it also helped show me something I think I needed to hear. If you think about how small you are, on earth and in comparison with space and the vast galaxies, you may feel insignificant, but God still loves you. You are so special to Him and he listens to you when you need him most.

Over the past few months I haven't really been myself. I've been going through things and having tough times. Tonight made me see that even though I may feel like luck isn't on my side and I ask myself "why does this have to happen to me" etc etc, I know that God is actually with me and this is all part of HIS plan for me, no matter how tough it seems or how confusing it might be. Everything was going so well but then BAM it all changed and I was miserable. It's taken a while but i'm slowly beginning to see that there is more to life than just the negatives.

You have two choices, bad things happen and you either wallow in self-pity and wonder why oh why, or you get up and keep going because there ARE greater things to come and it is all part of an amazing plan.

I have amazing friends around me and some far away. People who always listen to me going on and on about the same old and yet they always have time to listen. I am especially thankful for them. school is going pretty well, I have things coming up which I am looking forward to and everyone in my family is in good health.

Yes, there are bad times that can are confusing, but there are so many more positive things to focus on.

So tonight, I am thankful.

Growing Pains: Individuality

This is definitely one of my pet hates, people copying other people's ideas and style for their own. You were born to be a unique person of your own!

(Don't worry, this post will be brief)
Growing up you meet a lot of people in your life. You make a strong group of friends and sooner or later you're all wearing the same sort of thing and are interested in the same sorts of things. Of course, that's completely normal. You're friends with someone because of your similar interests! No, what's gets to me is when people change who they are and the way they act in order to be friends with someone. As I already said, you were born to be your own person, so that's why it annoys me when someone becomes the double of someone else.

I think that if you begin to act like you're someone else it becomes just that, an act. For me, I would find it tiring to have to act like I was someone else the whole time rather than just be me. I wish people weren't so scared to be themselves. Of course, it could be because they aren't that confident and are able to hide their true self by being someone else. But it's sad because it means that if you can't be yourself now, when will you ever have the courage to be yourself!? This post has been random I know, but it's just something that's always annoyed me.

Surely you're too busy being yourself to try and act like someone you're not...

Growing Pains: School

I remember my first day at Coleraine High School like it was yesterday. The school seemed so big and everyone else so tall. I was about to begin an exciting chapter of life, high school!

I remember us all getting a chair and sitting in a circle in our form room, learning about where one another had come from. Back then it seemed like the next 7 years were going to be long and stretch out. And yet, here I am halfway through Lower Sixth, going through AS Level stresses and talking about University courses!

I have to admit though, talking about University excites me greatly. I have cousins and a sister at Uni and they always seem to be having such a great time that I can't wait to have my own experience! However, it also worries me! I'll have to pick a course and hope for the life of me that it was the right choice. What if I can't do the work? What if I can't cope? Listening to friends, I see that i'm not the only one worrying about these sorts of things. I have one friend who is looking at courses in America! I think that's an incredibly brave thing to even think about doing. I'm all for going away and starting fresh somewhere, but I secretly like the comfort of knowing I'll only ever be at least a two hour flight away from home and everything I know and am comfortable with.

Growing up is scary. But if it's one thing i've learnt this (school) year, it's that nothing stays the same forever and eventually you realise that you just have to hold on to the safety rail and ride the bumpy rollercoaster that is life.
                                                                                                  ^----- (yay for cheesy ending)

Music & Lyrics (A Follow Up To My Previous Post)

Music. It's part of anyone's day. Whether it be in an advert, playing as background music in a shop or on an iPod or phone. For me, I couldn't live without music. This sounds very dramatic but I don't go a day without listening to some form of music. Getting ready in the morning; in my free periods; walking home from school; getting changed out my uniform and on in the background when i'm just, you know, chillin'.

As a kind of follow up to my last post about films and how they can sometimes give false impressions, I wanted to quickly write my thoughts on music. I think it's a lot more powerful than some people realise. There is quite literally a song to go with any kind of mood you're in or for any situation you are in. If anyone followed me on Twitter they'd soon find out that I LOVE tweeting lyrics from songs. It can get annoying for people to have to read and it can lose me followers but sometimes the only way you can express yourself is through words that other people have written.

Over the past few months i've been listening to music a lot more. It's reassuring to find that other people know exactly what sort of things you're going through and you can connect through their songs. For example, I was maybe a litte obsessed with Katy Perry's song 'The One That Got Away' for ages..

"In another life, I would be your girl,
We'd keep all our promises, be us against the world.
In another life, I would make you stay,
So I don't have to say you were the only who got away"

"..Never planned that one day I'd be losing you"

Pretty obvious what the song is about, but such simple lyrics that many people can relate to now in life. Having regrets where you wished you'd just said what you were feeling not taken things for granted.

On the flip side of that, I love Andy Grammer's song, 'Keep Your Head Up'

"But you gotta keep your head up, so you can let your hair down
I know it's hard, know it's hard to remember sometimes,
But you gotta keep your head up, so you can let your hair down"

I love that song too. It's all about acknowledging that you have troubles in your life but by keeping your head up and battering on through, things will be alright. Such a positive song when you're down or finding things are against you.

I could write and write and write about a million songs that I constantly listen to and whose lyrics people can relate to. It's the best feeling when you feel like no one understands you and a song comes on that explains exactly how you're feeling and you know you're not the only one to go through it!

"This too, shall pass" - English Proverb

Rock on.

(1) Blog About Films

She liked him and he liked her.
They went out.
They broke up.
Realised they couldn't live without one another.
*Cue a music montage*
Get back together...THE END.

Sound familiar? This is more or less the usual story to most films nowadays, well the RomComs anyway. And don't get me wrong, I adore them and love a good ending as much as the next person. However I also think that films can sometimes glaze over the truth. They can portray life as one big movie in itself in which we live with this idea that we want to find the perfect person based on someone in film. Or if someone in a film goes through what we go through and they get back together or it all works out okay then why shouldn't that happen to us? I'm well aware this all sounds like i'm picking on films, but i'm not! Anyone that knows me will know that I love nothing more than to settle down and watch an attractive male find a pretty girl and everything to work out just swell in the end.

However, just the other day I watched a film i'd never seen before. It was called (500) Days of Summer.

^^UK promo poster^^

It was basically your standard romantic comedy type film. Only it didn't have its usual ending. (If you haven't seen it and want to watch it skip this part..i'll put it in blue!)
It basically is about a guy who meets a girl. She's never been that much into relationships because she thinks that when you're young you should have fun and leave all the serious stuff until you're older. He's really into her though and eventually they start dating each other. The whole film flicks back and forth through 500 days of their time together and apart. It shows how she starts to act strange and doesn't want to hang out as much and eventually they break up. He (Tom) is gutted because he still loves her (Summer) and vows to get her back. At the end though she ends up with someone else and they are friends. It shows how he is forced to move on because she gets married to someone else. There is a really nice final scene between the two where she talks about what happened.

I was watching it and I thought, that's brilliant! A film about what everyone will probably go through in their life! Sometimes it just doesn't work out and you are forced to move on from someone even if you don't want to. I've been recommending this film to anyone that hasn't seen it. I think it's a really good idea. I'm sure there are other films with the same thing but this is the only modern one I have seen.

There's a part in the film where he is asking her about all her old boyfriends and then says, "What happened to them all?"
And she says, "What always happens, life."

This is so true. Life doesn't always give you what you want and sometimes things just don't work out between two people even if one person thinks it could.

Something I think everyone can relate to...