Double Freak Out

This week I freaked myself out...twice! The first freak out was when I was sitting in RE. We were talking about how Christians can take comfort in life after death. The teacher asked us to write out a few notes from our textbook and it was then that I started thinking about death. I've always been pretty afraid of it. The concept of dying and being burried scares me and it's times like these where I begin to start to panic.
So, picture the scene; i'm sitting in a classroom of students in RE. On the outside I was calm and just writing out notes, but on the inside I was thinking, "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I eventually whispered to my friend beside me. The conversation went like this..

"Psst.." (that's me)
"Yeah?" (that's her)
"I've scared myself"
"What?"
"I've.scared.myself"
"Oh. About what?"
"Death"
"Oh"
"Yeah"

Death just makes no sense to me at all. I can't seem to get my head around it. You die and then you're burried but life keeps on going and going and going and going... and you never get a second chance. It goes on for eternity and how long is eternity!? I just don't get it. And then it scares me because once you die you're alone and everything is gone. I believe in God, I believe there's a Heaven. What scares me about that is that that means there's a hell and that people go there for eternity. And then I think that what if I don't live a good enough life on earth and I end up there? I feel like nothing I can could ever be good enough and just as soon as I'm trying to get on the right track, I slip back into my old ways. And then I think, am I really meaning this as i'm praying it? This all scares me soooo much.

On a lighter note, my second freak out was about something so ridiculous I can laugh at it..
We had an Honours Assembly today. Basically it's a chance for the untalented people (like me) of the school to watch the rest of the school get honours for music and sport etc. (Apparently being a good people person or being good at science or something isn't considered 'honourable)
Anyway, we were sitting there clapping for everyone and I suddenly thought, "what the heck even is clapping!?"
So, like earlier I whispered to my friend beside me, (yep same girl...hehe whoops)

"I've just freaked myself out"
"Over what?"
"...Clapping!"
"Clapping?"
"Yes! What even is it!?"
"...."

I never saw her again...
Just kidding.

How ridiculous is that!?
I don't know what I was on that morning, maybe it was the sudden change in the weather that caused my hysteria or maybe I was just overwhelmed by all the honourable students that I went crazy. Either way it was weird.

Oh and just in case you're wondering, being crazy also isn't classified as 'honourable' either... I checked.